"Hmm. Well, I could kill off Voldemort with a snap of my fingers, but
where's the fun in that? I want to make him suffer. World peace? Boring,
though I can imagine the chaos I'd cause if I turned every nuclear
bomb's payload into…hmm, cotton candy? Gold dust? Oh, I've got it! Pile
cream, because the people in charge of nuclear arsenals are arseholes!
But no, that's a bit too abstract and impersonal a birthday present, and
I've got fifteen years' worth to make up for. And you're a bit young
for the fun stuff, and you've got Hermione for that if she's willing and
you progress the relationship." She pursed her lips as Harry spluttered
in shock. "I mean, besides a familiar, what does a sixteen year old
wizard who's the son of the Crawling Chaos want?"
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/12748842/7/