Some day, this will be a "Last.fm/NetFlix/Amazon for web fiction" (both original and fanfiction) where you can search across many different hosting sites or rate what you've read and get recommendations. However, life keeps throwing more urgent projects my way, so I don't know when it'll be ready.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5137164/9/Narcissa Malfoy was practicing sexy poses nude before the mirror in her bedroom when the door came open.
"Look, mommy. Look at Mr Stibbons!"
Narcissa glanced over at one of those annoying daughters, who was standing in the door holding a snake, a peculiar snake wearing a tie, a hat and an oversize pair of glasses.
By the time she had realized that snake was a basilisk she'd already turned to stone.
"Oh my!" Hermione Tina declared playfully. "However did that happen?" She turned the snake's face to her, speaking to it nose to nose. "Do you think she didn't prepare herself with the ritual that makes a person immune to a basilisk's gaze?" She forced the snake's head to nod for her, and acted concerned. "Oh, dear. Well, it's a good thing I put glasses on you so no one could be accidentally hurt by your gaze!"
She paused to giggle. "Hey! I know what we can do! We can play another game! It's called, 'How Long Will It Take Lucius To Notice?' and again, house elves can't tell, 'cause that would be cheating! And mommy is being so nice to play with me, too! Now where did I leave that white paint? Oh, Dobby!"
When Lucius came home he noted with annoyance that the statues had all been rearranged again, and as if her constant nagging weren't enough, Narcissa had obviously transfigured half of the sculptures into undraped women who looked just like her, all in lewd poses.
How tiresome.
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